A long time has gone by since the last time I decided to type down what was going on in my life. A lot changed since I decided to stop going after this girl. A lot of women have gone in and out from my life since then, I even believed that one of them was "the one", but I was awfully wrong once again -I guess this is my curse, falling in love just too quickly. It took me almost two years of dating this girl to realize how destructive our relationship turned out to be. I tried to be her super hero and save her from everything but came out being just the villain in our story, the Jenkins and Mr. Hyde and she was the only one that got to see the monster. We both hit rock bottom, but i guess that was what we needed to finally look up and search for the light once more. For such a loving start and a more than fairy tale story it ended up really messy and hurting.
It took me longer to realize that it wasn't meant to be because, even after we broke up, I fought to keep alive the long extinguished fire only to find myself digging deeper into the abyss. After the blowing point in which I found myself completely broken down to pieces was when I realized how lost I was. Not only in love but in every single aspect in my life. What was I doing? Who am i? This questions echoed in my head like little voices that I just wanted gone. I decided to take a break from everything. Just disappear. And so I did. I climbed inside my car, turned the cell-phone off and drive myself to nowhere. After hours of people trying to find my whereabouts, they found me finally sleeping and half drunk in a road in the middle of nowhere. As soon as they knocked in my window I jumped into the drivers seat and run for it without leaving a trace. I really didn't wanted to be found out. I wanted to be alone. Just me. And so I kept the rest of the night running from everything; sadly, what I couldn't run from were the voices in my head that kept talking to me. How I was so alone, how everything I ever fought for was falling into peaces just as if nothing ever existed.
But after all, after finding myself in the bottom of the pit, I finally saw the light. I wanted to get out in anyway possible. And so THIS is where I am right now. Climbing up, trying to make up for every single wrong I ever did. Not for anybody, but for myself. This time it is just for me and only me, for my life now and in my future. As I climb up the pit I start building up myself from scratch. As a phoenix rising from the ashes, so am I getting up once again after such a beating. The best part of all is that now I have six shoulders in which I'm sure I can rest on in any moment, whenever I'm feeling down any time soon. Not that I didn't had them before, but now that I can see them I see clearly their hands stretched out for me always. So I'll do my best to not only never loose sight of them again but hold them too whenever they feel the same way. My three best friends.
What's actually curious is that I think I'm falling for one of them and it gives me the chills. Should I or shouldn't I? She is an amazing person and she knows I believe every single aspect of my life. She is a beautiful, successful, funny, tender, kind woman. Well, that and so much more. And me? Well I am a chaos right now and that is what makes me mostly insecure. Right now I would love to be with her and tell her how I feel, but I want to be ready for her. Be the best man I can be. For her. So that's my plan, in the end if it doesn't work out at least this time I will be myself. The best version of me.
